The Responsibility Of Men For His Woman In Islam

ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ my brothers, men are caretakers over women. The word Qawwam has several meanings, and the first of them’s is that the word Qawwam means they are a source of stability for women. That’s one of its first meanings: that men provide stability for women.

Men are away, by which they are protected. So, why are men protected not just physically or financially but also emotionally? So, they are a place of security for them, and then, when somebody’s committed to doing something,.

Then the verb comma is used when they’ve made up their minds and they’re going to do something, meaning they’re committed to taking care of women. Men are charged with the responsibility to protect and care for women.

Responsibility Of Men For His Woman

• Love and Kindness
• Respect
• Gratitude
• Trust and Understanding
• Protective Jealousy
• Loyalty and Helpfulness
• Kids
• Leadership and Education
• Family
• Parents Responsibility

When Allah Almighty calls himself Al-Qayyum, he’s saying he’s the one, and that actually means being a woman inside of a fort, meaning a fort is a symbol of protection. Isn’t it, and so, once you get married, she’s entered your fort; she’s protected from all sides; she’s protected from everything else; and a fort is self-sustaining.

The food is provided for, protection is provided for, shelter is provided for, everything’s taken care of, and that’s the idea of a Mohsin, and a woman, interestingly enough, is described as “Monsanaat.”. Women are inside the forts, meaning they don’t like to go out of the fort too. They want to stay within that fort, and they are described as someone who accepts the role that the husband is playing.

Also Read: Surah Mulk

This responsibility of being in charge of the care, the needs, and the protection is, you know, for women. This responsibility comes on account of the fact that Allah Almighty has decreed that some will have preference over others. Because Allah has given some preferance over others, you know what that means: in some things, men have a preference that Allah has given them.

An advantage over women, and in other words, Allah Almighty has given women an advantage over men. Man has to take some responsibilities; if they’re going to be the caretaker or the provider, and you know the protector and all of those responsibilities, that’s actually a privilege Allah has handed over to women.

You’re not responsible for any of those things and so Allah then opens it even further and then talks to the men and says,

وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ

And that’s because of what they have to spend from their money. Now here is the key: Allah Almighty in the Quran did not talk exhaustively about marriage, like he didn’t describe all the things that make a marriage work. There are very few places in the Quran where Allah gives us some insights, and basically it’s like instead of describing the entire building.

He mentioned a few pillars; if those pillars are not there, the building’s going to collapse, and one of those pillars is that the money’s responsibility is the man’s responsibility. He better go find a job; he better go get some work; he better go and provide, because that is actually what Allah has made him responsible for.

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The word Qawwam in the beginning is now being explained by the fact that men are financially responsible for the goods, the cars, the fuel, the electricity bills, and many more. Everything and that starts from the very beginning. When you get married, you take on the responsibility of paying a Mahar, and some people love to have a high number for the dowry; for their daughter, they say it’s 10,000, or 50,000, or 250,000, whatever they put this crazy number.

They’re like, No, no, It’s ok, you don’t have to pay it now, it’s okay, but my shall be, we should have a number that looks good, and then people are married for 20 years, and the guy hasn’t paid his dowry. That’s ridiculous, because this is the condition of making a marriage valid; you can’t put that off.

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You can’t just keep kicking the can down the road, and a husband isn’t even allowed to say that to his wife. By the way, can you give me a discount? I know you put 50; can we take a few zeros off of that, or how about I give it to you, not dollars? Can I give you in rupees, the same number you know?

Did you Know? “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” (Quran 4:34)

After you pay the dowry, like if you’re making a monthly payment, you give her 500 dollars or something like 100 bucks; whatever you give her, that’s part of your dowry; that’s what you’re paying off; and you pay her, and you’re fine.

Allah Almighty has made men responsible financially, and they can’t even say, You have to go and be when you’re having a hard time; you need to earn this or that. If there is a desperate situation and a wife decides to go get a job and support financially or do it on her own, that’s a voluntary thing she’s doing that she cannot be told to do.

If she does that, if she does get a job, if she does have a business, if her father left behind some stores or some property in her name and you’re like, Hey, can we get some of that too, because I’m your family, ‘No’ that’s her money.

Also Read: When You Meet Allah Almighty in Jannah

You cannot touch it Allah made this equation in which she has a financial advantage, meaning your money is basically hers and her money is hers and you cannot look at it; you cannot keep your eye on it.

You cannot say, Whatever happened to that, what happened to that jewelry? No, no, that’s not yours to touch, and whatever you gave her, like you say, Hey, you know, on our 10th anniversary, I’m going to give you this car that you know, once you gave her car, it’s her car, you can’t even take the keys and say, I’m going, ‘No’ you gotta get her permission, and she better give it for her own good.

So, this financial sense that men are supposed to have is critical, and Allah mentions that as one of the first conditions of what makes a marriage work, what makes them men.

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ

When they take that kind of responsibility, where the wife doesn’t have to ask, Hey, we don’t have food for groceries, we don’t have money for groceries, we don’t have that, oh, I gotta give it to you again. You know, and for a lot of men, you know what they do. They feel that they have financial responsibility or financial help for their brother, who may be financially taken care of.

But you still want to give them, but you’re not giving financial needs to your wife and your children; that’s not being a man. That’s not being a man. Some people are in financial abuse situations; I’ve even seen cases where a bank account is a joint account between the husband and mother, and the wife has no access to the account. What kind of Islam do you learn? And the wife is being constantly told, by the way, that’s our son; it’s like that’s our property; you’re just renting it.

So, the men don’t take care of their end, and the women don’t take care of their end, and they become a source of great tension and conflict. Allah Almighty states by saying that they are sources of reform, they are settled, they are clams, they’re actually peace themselves, goodness themselves, and they are the removal of all sorts of tension.

That’s the first quality, then he says, “Eager to Obey,” and some have interpreted this as eager to obey Allah Almighty, and that is true; they are eager to obey Allah, you know; they translate this as subservient. But what in the world does that mean? That means what’s being done to her, because, as you know, if one side says men should do this for women, the rest of it says women should do this for men.

Last Words

So, why in the middle of that is Allah Almighty saying, “Yeah, they should do this for men, but this part is for Allah. Well, well the reason that’s there is because woman should remember that, when they are being a source of calm and when they are providing peace and Sakina in the household, they need to realize the only one who can keep a household calm is them, and the only one who can truly set it on fire is them, They control the emotional, like you know;

In your home, you have an air conditioner that controls the temperature, so women control the emotional temperature of a household. They control it, and they better keep it cool, because this is an act of them obeying Allah himself. This is out of their eagerness to obey Allah; they need to become a source of calm.