Assalamu Alakum, may Allah Almighty teach us, benefit us from what he taught us, and increase our knowledge. My brothers and sisters, I ask Allah Almighty with the best of his names to keep us streadfast on his deen till the day we meet him.
So, what’s the halal way of approaching a girl you like, I wanted to bring this up to you because for them you would think that you know, If the Sahabi saw a woman from a mile away, he went the other way and made Istegafaar the whole night.
Do This When You Like A Girl
No, it wasn’t like that they interacted with each other; they talked to each other, they worked with each other, they were in business partnerships. All kinds of interactions happen between men and women, but with principle it was respectful, it was dignified, and when a companion, when somebody liked somebody else, you know what they did?
Here’s the Astagfirullah part; here’s what they did: Hey, I like you; you want to get married, and she’d say, Umm, talk to my dad; he said okay. And then you go to the dad and say, Hey, I like your daughter, and she’s, I mean, I talk to her; she’s not entirely opposed to the idea, is it cool, and he says, Let me talk to my daughter.
How this happened today in the UK: as you go to a girl respectfully, we work together for three years, would you consider marrying me, and she’s like, š and maybe she says, Please don’t talk to my dad; he’ll get tired of me, because if you talk to my dad, he’ll say this is why you go to work, this is why we sent you to university.
Calm down, fathers, it’s okay; somebody likes your daughter; that’s a good thing. Now you’re going to investigate and find out. It’s perfectly fine. The only relationship (Rishta) mentioned in the Quran is the only approach mentioned in the Quran.
Is that of Musa (AS) in Madinah? He was by himself; Musa was by himself, and these girls were by themselves working outside, and he went up to them and helped them out, and the girl said, He’s kind of nice, and she could. She went back to her dad and said, Hire him, which means come on, dad, you know.
And that happened, and the girl said, I like the guy. That’s actually what happened in the story of Musa (AS). Musa (AS) didn’t propose; the girl proposed. And the father cannot propose unless he has the approval of his daughter.
So, it’s okay for your girl to say, Dad, there’s this guy this brother at the Emesaya; he is really good; you should come. Your daughter’s telling you something. It’s okay; go attend the halaqa. It’s okay, find out; don’t complicate this; there’s nothing indignified about that; don’t go date a girl now, and don’t take her to dinner. No, not that either, but can you have respectful interaction with someone you’re interested in for marriage absolutely? Nothing wrong with that.
Can you take your time to understand each other’s likes and dislikes? Yes, it’s fine. Respectful courtship is okay; with parental guidance in a defined fashion, there’s nothing wrong with it.
So, what happens is, we have two extremes: we have people that are more conservative than the Sahaba, and then we have people that are more liberal than Liberals. Okay, and the Islam is right in between; it’s a natural way; it’s a completely natural way. Okey?
So, this is something that I thought was important to mention: for families and for yourself, talk to your daughters, ask if they like someone, don’t create a relationship between fathers and daughters, there should be open communication, they should not be terrified to tell you that they’re interested in somebody, don’t force them to marry someone they don’t want to.
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Don’t force your daughter and tell them, If you don’t marry this one, she’s going to come and marry you, and you have to; we already said yes to them. Don’t humiliate the family and say no now.
Those kinds of the nikah are haram, I will say it, the’re haram; we cannot emotionally and psychologically force a girl to get married under family pressure; that is, batil, and that happened at the time of Prophet Muhammad (SAW), and the Prophet (SAW) considered those Nikahs batil.
They are invalid nikahs until the girl genuinely likes a guy and says, Yes, I want to marry him on her own with no pressure from her father, no pressure from her mother, no pressure from anybody else. She likes him, and even if the days of the nikah she says, Mom, I don’t wanna do this, the mother doesn’t say too late, girl, loo late.
We’ve got the hall; they’re all going to look; what are people going to know? If the girl says, I didn’t want to do this, and no stop. Allah Almighty gave her that right; you cannot take it away; you’re burying them alive. This is the new way of burying women alive, by the way. They used to take the baby girl and bury her right then.
Now we bury them on the day of the Nikah. This is what we do; this needs to stop. Let them marry who they want if they’re dignified Muslims, and because now you’re living in a different society. You won’t find someone from the same village; it’s Okey.
You know Musa (AS) is an Arab, or actually not an Arab; he’s from Israel, and he married an Arab. He went and married in Madiah. Didn’t he? So many Arabs are; we only marry Arabs. really? Musa (AS) was actually from Israel; what’s up with that, you know?
So, it’s a time now; it’s a strange time that we live in, and actually the only thing that can save us is the basic principle of our deen and getting facilitate. Making the path to marriage easy is actually one of the greatest battles against Shaitan. When we make the path to marriage difficult, when you have 28, 30, why would I have 35-year-old boys not married?
What do you think? They were doing tahajjud for 35 years. What planet do you live on? They didn’t do anything, Haram. No evil thoughts went in their heads. They didn’t go to workā28 and 29-year-olds not being marriedāthis is ridiculous. It’s absolutely absurd, it’s unacceptable, and we create standards that don’t exist in our religions and don’t make any sense.
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You have three daughters, four daughters for the younger daughter, and no proposal came for the older daughters. No, no, we go in order.
Who said you go in order? If there’s a good blessing that came to your home for whichever age, why would you deny it? What will people say? When Allah almighty says, when you explain yourself to him and say, I deprive my daughter of a good Nikah, because it wasn’t in order.
What will you say to Allah? You tell me that, what are you going to do? Marriage needs to be made easy and on the guy’s side, because Hindu tradition says the guy is the gift. So the girl’s side has to give him gifts.
Conclusion:
Islam came and said, The man has to give what? “Mahar,” the man has to give a gift; the woman is a gift to the family, and now we do in Pakistan, India, east, and south. No, we don’t want Jaheez. We don’t want gifts from the girl side, but there should be somethingāat least a fridge, you know.
That is the opposite of what Allah commanded. That is the opposite of what Allah commanded. You’re not only disobeying Allah Almighty, you’re reversing what Allah said, asking to pay to be gifted, because you’re the guy side that’s like way beyond Haraam. I don’t even know what the category that belongs to Shaitan is, that gives you like 5 stars for that one. Don’t fall in that category.
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